I have a Twitter account. This, in itself, is nothing amazing. There are, what, like a majillion Twitter accounts out there? No big deal.
I have thus far tweeted a grand total of one time, nearly a full year ago. I made the account purely to write that tweet, as I recall. It was during or slightly after that ridiculous "name the new flavour" contest that Doritos held last summer.
Here, for your enjoyment, is that tweet:
"Sexual connotations aside, "Intense Pickle" is the most hilarious name for a chip flavour I've ever heard."
That's it. That is the magic of brilliant mind, but it still isn't the amazing part.
Now, you may at this point be asking yourself what the hell's so great about my dumb Twitter account, and here's what it is:
I have two followers.
I don't know these people, and they presumably don't know me, but somehow they saw that tweet and decided that what I had to say was important enough to keep paying attention. One of them decided to follow me shortly after that miracle sentence was released to the world, but the really funny thing is that my second follower found me LAST WEEK. Nearly a year after typing it, the power of my tweet reached across the internet to grab this pour soul's attention. One can only imagine how many followers I will have next year!
So obviously, the key to world domination is to keep saying dumb stuff about food. After much thought and careful consideration, I've decided to tweet the following:
"Canned potatoes are handy, but sometimes taste weird."
I'll let you know how it turns out.
